The Smallest Habit That Can Strengthen Your Relationship
Have you ever had one of those days where everything feels like too much? Work was stressful and by the time you get home, all you want to do is scroll your phone or zone out in front of the TV. Then, your partner walks in. They sigh, clearly exhausted, and say, “Wow, today was rough.”
At that moment, you have a choice—keep scrolling and mumble, “Yeah, same,” or look up, make eye contact, and say, “What happened?” That tiny decision may not seem like a big deal, but according to relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman, it’s everything.
Turning Toward vs. Turning Away
The Gottmans call this concept “turning toward” your partner, and it’s one of the most powerful ways to strengthen your relationship. It means making small, everyday choices to engage with your partner instead of ignoring or dismissing them.
And the best part? It doesn’t require grand gestures or hours of deep conversation. It’s the little moments—the quick good morning hug, the “How was your day?” text, the way you put your phone down when they start talking. These small choices add up over time and create a relationship built on connection and trust.
Why This Matters (Even More Than You Think)
Life gets busy, and after a while, it’s easy to start running on autopilot. But when we stop turning toward our partner—when we stop noticing or responding to their small bids for connection—it can slowly create distance.
Research shows that happy couples turn toward each other about 86% of the time, while struggling couples do it only 33% of the time. Over time, these small interactions (or lack of them) determine how emotionally connected or disconnected you feel.
Think of it like a bank account for your relationship. Every time you turn toward your partner, you make a small deposit. Over time, these deposits build a strong emotional reserve that helps you weather the inevitable tough moments together.
Ways to Start Turning Toward Each Other Today
Look up when they talk to you. Eye contact and active listening go a long way.Put the phone down. Even a 30-second pause to acknowledge them can make a difference.Say “thank you” for the little things. A quick “I appreciate you” reinforces connection.Ask follow-up questions. “How was your day?” is great, but “What was the best part of your day?” invites deeper conversation.Physically turn toward them. A touch on the arm, a smile, or sitting close creates warmth and connection.
It’s the Little Things That Matter Most
The best relationships aren’t built on grand gestures; they’re built on small, everyday moments of connection. And the good news? You don’t need to overhaul your relationship overnight. Just start with one thing—pause, look up, and engage when your partner reaches out.
It may seem small, but over time, these moments will shape the kind of relationship where you both feel seen, valued, and deeply connected. And isn’t that what we all want in the end?
So, next time your partner sighs after a long day, take a second, turn toward them, and say, “Tell me about it.” That one moment could make all the difference.
